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A4
A blue ball pen
A black marker
Colors that are a clear declaration… in strong tones
I finished this picture long ago
but I no longer care to hang it anywhere
as far as my spirit goes, my walls have disappeared,
after the wear and tear of being locked up
though the wall effect is cleaner than bars
and iron (which is good for your health).
You know well my position on painting
as expression…
And then the absence that followed it
And all the other stories… that have never ceased happening
since I offended you with obscene words… the last time.
I never stopped loving you
Even though I didn’t hang the picture
But the color red has become more complicated… than simple love.
Furthermore, things didn’t just end there,
it became a question of demonstrating the existence
of a principle… and the consequences of that principle… which
cost me dearly…
And I still wonder…. What will I have in exchange for the high price
I am continuing to pay?!
Losing you… or example,
and tearing Tom Waits’ picture
exactly when he was singing
(I miss your broken-china voice)
I still haven’t mastered describing your voice
or comparing it to something beautiful enough
to resemble the beauty of your voice.
Resemblance
is of no use
The painting is lost in the garbage of bad times
that are still afflicting me- powerlessness
and double oppression.
What will be of a failed lover like me?
And how will I look at myself in the mirror… twenty years from now
let’s say?
How will I see myself?
And how will I see you? Should cowardly coincidence
reunite us later?
I have not been well one day
and neither shall I be in the future.
It’s not about gray hairs
and not about wrinkles or the cruel signs of time
nor about the ailments of old age.
It’s about my heart
Which still is and shall continue to remain a scared child looking for answers
satisfactory ones… to put a stop to his naive questions about a world
that could countenance ugliness!!
I’ll leave the question to the dust… to erase the traces
of my books
which have increased my fear of the world
I’ll leave the question to oblivion behaving like an old smoker who has lung cancer.
I’ll end up being a planet
that has just rid itself of all life forms
that followed one another on its surface over millions of years
A planet whose sun has become completely extinguished
only to become a giant block…. of pure carbon
26/03/2018
Translated by Pina Piccolo.
Ashraf Fayadh’s artwork shown below and in the photo gallery is available for purchase. For additional information, please contact. info@thedreamingmachine.com
